APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTICE: As you can see here, new applications are no longer being accepted!

NOTE: This application will be considered incomplete and will be rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, and current medical report from your doctor.

Name _____________________ Date of birth ______________

Height/weight_______/_______ IQ _______ Social Security Number _____________

Driver's License # _________________ Boy Scout rank _____________

Home address ____________________________________

City/State/Zip Code___________________________________

Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _____

If no, explain_____________________________________

_______________________________________________

Number of years parents married? ________________

Do you own:

A van? ____________

A truck with oversized tires?____________

A waterbed?____________

Do you have:

An earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or any other body piercing? ____________

Tattoo? ____________

Motorcycle? ____________

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE LAST 6 QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE QUICKLY!)

In 25 words or less, explain what LATE means to you:

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

In 25 words or less, explain what DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER means to you:

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

In 25 words or less, explain what ABSTINENCE means to you:

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Church you attend ____________________________

How often do you attend? __________________________

When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and minister?

_______________________________

Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely; all answers are confidential - that means I won't tell anyone - ever!

a. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is in the __________________________

b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________________________________________

c. A woman's place is in the __________________________________________

d. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __________________________________________

e. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice the most is __________________________________________

(NOTE: If your last answer begins with T or A, discontinue application. Leaving quickly, keeping your body hunkered down. and running in a cowardly fashion are advised.

What do you want to be IF you grow up?: __________________________________________

I PROMISE THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, DISMEMBERMENT, DEATH, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

________________________________________________

Signature (That means you sign your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you're approved. Please don't try to call or write - since you probably can't anyway. If your application is rejected, you'll be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back!) Have a pleasant day!!